What happened here?

I’m finally calming down. It’s amazing what DVR’d American Idol and Survivor can do for some mental health!

For Lent, I gave up raising my voice to the boys (I know, it’s really supposed to be a sacrifice of something you enjoy, and I definitely don’t enjoy raising my voice, but I do it a lot, so it is sort of a sacrifice). And today is just the third day of Lent. I already blew it.

Today is Friday, which means no school for either of the boys, and no work for me. This morning we started out kind of lazy, lounging around after breakfast. I let the boys watch some shows so I could make a couple of phone calls in peace. After they had watched “The Backyardigans” and “Dora”, I turned off the TV and we headed upstairs to get the boys dressed so we could run an errand or two. I got another phone call, and, as usual, while I was on the phone, the boys started chasing each other around and ended up in the room where I was and started making a ton of noise. This literally happens about 95% of the time while I’m on the phone. What actually makes me a little more mad is that yesterday when my brother-in-law was over here and he got a call, the boys were as quiet as could be. Great.

We headed out to the car, and the driveway was still a little icy from overnight. I asked the boys not to go out on the driveway so they wouldn’t slip, then went back to getting the car seats back in the car. I then looked out to see Caden, slowly making his way out onto the driveway, looking back at me with a mischievous look in his eyes and a sly grin on his face. Timeout for Caden on the cold garage step.

Off we went to Hallmark to get some cards (Happy birthday to Elijah, Matte, Lizzy, and Liz!). Our Hallmark has a plastic picnic table with Duplo Legos so the boys can be entertained fairly well. Initially, things went well, but then their voices got a bit loud. They’re loud to begin with, but I asked them two or three times to quiet down. Then I asked them to help me find a card for Lizzy, which got them started pulling cards off the shelf faster than you could look at them. At least they put them back. I got them to focus and find a card. I headed over to look at something else, and they started picking up different “Hoops & Yo-Yo” stuff. I asked them to put them down. They didn’t. I asked again. They still didn’t. Finally, I asked again, and the made their way over to the shelf and looked like they were going to put the stuff down. I had to take the thing out of Caden’s hand, Noah put his down, and I then took them each by a hand, myself carrying 5 cards, and marched them to the counter to pay. I told them to sit on the floor and not touch anything. The lady at the counter told me I’d get more bonus points if I got a 6th card, so I took each boy by a hand, and marched them out to find another card, then marched them back to the counter. I told them to stay put and not touch anything (which I had repeatedly told them throughout the store) while I walked toward the back of the store with one of the workers to check the price on a wall hanging, then turned back to the front to see Noah running back to where I left them, saying to Caden, “Mom told us to stay here.” Caden was playing on a rocking chair decorated with train stuff. I paid as quickly as possible, then found Noah on the rocking chair. Caden had to try it one more time, apparently, and I said it was time to go. Caden chose not to listen. So while I pulled him out of the chair, Noah was headed toward the door, but not before he pushed some button on a stuffed Snoopy Easter doll. So much for not touching anything.

After telling them how they did a pretty lousy job in the store, we were off to the post office to mail a package to my goddaughter for her trip to Rome (lucky 6-year-old!). I told them they had to be quiet, not touch anything while I figured out the packaging and mailing. They sat at a table quietly while I got everything set. Goldfish help. It was actually a pretty successful trip to the post office!

We headed back home, and the boys went to the basement to play while I got lunch ready. They started out eating next to each other at the table, with the warning that if either of them started to act up, Caden would go back to his spot (strategically) diagonally from Noah. Of course, they started to act up, so they had to sit in their normal spots. Now, we have rules at the table (any table for that matter) that you have to sit nice, use nice voices, not make rude or unnecessary noises, and eat. These have been the same rules from day one. So when I turned around from the sink to see Noah basically crouched on his chair under the table, I sent him to take a timeout. Caden then started to act up (to be honest, I can’t remember what he was doing, but I was already getting angry), so I sent him for a timeout, as well. We have two timeout spots which are close to each other so it’s not always that conducive to concurrent timeouts. But that’s what I could do.

Okay, we have rules for timeouts, as well. Actually, just one. Really, all they have to do is sit quietly. But no, Noah has to find a Superball to start rolling around, then explains that the reason he was rolling it was because it was right near him. Yeah, that makes sense. And Caden was participating as well. So I took both of them by the hand and marched them upstairs (at 12:45) and told them to not come down until 3:00. Noah started crying (and sort of screaming) so I went outside to get some fresh air and (literally) cool off. I came back in, marched the boys back downstairs, and told them to finish their lunches in silence. I didn’t want to hear a single word. I then lectured them a bit, then went to sit in the office while they ate. Caden decided he had to go potty, so off he went. I heard him peeing, and thought nothing of it. Then he said, “Uh, oh, Mommy, I already peed.” What? Yeah, you did. Then I went in there and saw where he had peed. He was facing away from the toilet, and there was pee all over the floor and my un-hung framed Monet poster which had been leaning against the wall across from the toilet. The toilet ring was sitting on the toilet, so I’m thinking Caden was trying to sit to pee and poop, but didn’t make it in time. Whatever the reason, I really started to lose it. I sent him off with no pants on to finish his lunch while I cleaned up (including the heating vent cover which was closed so there was pooled pee in it). Mind you, my voice was rising a bit by this point. I know you’re not supposed to punish your kid for having an accident, but I was already on the wrong side of my mood.

Details start to get a little fuzzy around this time. I was really mad. I wasn’t seeing very straight, I wasn’t breathing very well, and I couldn’t stop moving. I know I spanked both boys, mostly because they were smiling and sort of laughing at me as I was lecturing them. I know I told them I quit, that I didn’t want to be a mom, and I went out to sit in my car to listen to the radio-loudly. I know I slammed several doors, drawers, and the dryer door. I know I shouted (bye-bye Lent sacrifice). And I know that I ultimately sent them up to bed with instructions to stay there until the clock read “three zero zero.” And I was done.

Noah made a giant mistake at 2:00 asking if he could get up (we’ve been doing this every day this week and it really pisses me off-when I say what time the clock should say, that’s what I mean!). Luckily, Andy got home early today and went upstairs to deal with it. Not so luckily, apparently Andy has fallen asleep on Noah’s bed, while Noah didn’t, and at “three zero zero” Noah showed up at the top of the stairs asking if he could get up. I wasn’t nearly as angry as I was before, but having him come downstairs and start talking to me about all of the different Lego sets in the book while I was watching ER didn’t help at all. That and the fact that I still haven’t seen Andy since he got home has me stewing a little bit still.

Anyone want a couple of kids?